I've been melancholy. Maybe it's the winter. Maybe it's the sudden taste of life. Maybe it's just withdrawal.
I haven't been talking to people. That scares me, so I force myself to talk.
I can't be bothered to send text messages to friends, I can't be bothered to even switch on my phone. Today, we thought I'd lost the phone, and I panicked, because I wasn't panicking in the first place.
Something I really needed was taken away from me, and suddenly I don't want it ever. Because it will only go away. It's like I've grown up. It doesn't feel nice to be grown up, when all you really want to be is a child. I wrote so much in Lahore, and I was sure I'd post it. I was thinking up intro paragraphs. But now I don't want to. It's scary. I didn't want to share the pictures. I don't want to part with my memories. I don't want to feel anything.
Or maybe I don't want to tell everyone how I feel. Maybe I don't want all those collective, self-proclaimed shrinks to come on over, invite themselves for some chai, and tell me why I feel what I feel. I don't want those intrusive little cockroaches anywhere near me. I want to dig me a hole and go crawl in it and stay there for the rest of my life. I'm hardly being a coward. There's nothing to get scared about. Then why am I distancing myself from everything? Why is every sound so intrusive? Why am I seeking old comforts that I never thought I needed?
It's like all the hope just got sucked out of me.
I haven't been talking to people. That scares me, so I force myself to talk.
I can't be bothered to send text messages to friends, I can't be bothered to even switch on my phone. Today, we thought I'd lost the phone, and I panicked, because I wasn't panicking in the first place.
Something I really needed was taken away from me, and suddenly I don't want it ever. Because it will only go away. It's like I've grown up. It doesn't feel nice to be grown up, when all you really want to be is a child. I wrote so much in Lahore, and I was sure I'd post it. I was thinking up intro paragraphs. But now I don't want to. It's scary. I didn't want to share the pictures. I don't want to part with my memories. I don't want to feel anything.
Or maybe I don't want to tell everyone how I feel. Maybe I don't want all those collective, self-proclaimed shrinks to come on over, invite themselves for some chai, and tell me why I feel what I feel. I don't want those intrusive little cockroaches anywhere near me. I want to dig me a hole and go crawl in it and stay there for the rest of my life. I'm hardly being a coward. There's nothing to get scared about. Then why am I distancing myself from everything? Why is every sound so intrusive? Why am I seeking old comforts that I never thought I needed?
It's like all the hope just got sucked out of me.
posted by bluegreenflysplat at 11:27 am
3 Comments:
Withdrawal symptoms.
I have it too after I'm back from a happening place, or if I've left some people behind... feel so totally restless. Those are times when a punching bag does good :)
*casa walks away hoping that the flysplat didnt notice her trying to be a shrink*
Oh I know what you're talking abt...havent bothered to recharge my cellphone even though expiry date was 30th nov...they say it will pass. I pray it does...till then me offers no advice. Never helps at such times anyways...
*hug*
this is just another taste of life
proverbially - "this will also pass"
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