I always wake up alone. And it's okay.
somehow, of late, i don't quite manage to get my point across. i procrastinate to make a point. and sometimes i don't let go until i make a point. unfortunately it's not a victory. i feel like i've forgotten what it's like to win, and i don't quite like it.
i've also been wondering what's the point of this blog. not that i'm going, but really, what's the point of having it? i don't like the fact that my friends have come out of this. i don't like the fact that most of my friends outside of this, they don't really know this. and i'm glad for it.
maybe what i'm trying to say is that i'm not sure which is the real me. i'm not sure if what makes me is part this and part real and a part that i don't know exists. i'm not even sure if i want to let friends see me. i realise i restrict their entry to me. i realise this is conscious. i realise that its not entirely what i deserve. i realise it's not what they deserve either. maybe i like short-changing people. maybe i'm not real, maybe i'm not what you think i am. maybe i don't care. maybe i sold out. maybe i went over to the other side.
whatever it is, it's still there.
i've also been wondering what's the point of this blog. not that i'm going, but really, what's the point of having it? i don't like the fact that my friends have come out of this. i don't like the fact that most of my friends outside of this, they don't really know this. and i'm glad for it.
maybe what i'm trying to say is that i'm not sure which is the real me. i'm not sure if what makes me is part this and part real and a part that i don't know exists. i'm not even sure if i want to let friends see me. i realise i restrict their entry to me. i realise this is conscious. i realise that its not entirely what i deserve. i realise it's not what they deserve either. maybe i like short-changing people. maybe i'm not real, maybe i'm not what you think i am. maybe i don't care. maybe i sold out. maybe i went over to the other side.
whatever it is, it's still there.
posted by bluegreenflysplat at 9:22 am
2 Comments:
I know what you mean! Sometimes I wonder, and so do my friends who actually read my blog, which is the real me?? And then I wonder, am I been dual-faced? :(
Hmmm...I don't think it's being janus-faced...for me it's more like revealing facets of my personality on the blog..what galls is when ppl assume they know me inside out coz of those tidbits I do reveal and decide they know ALL of me...but I'm also seeing that this seems to be a dilemma most bloggers are facing...hope it doesnt take them all away! Amen..take care of thee girl!
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